2015-12-27 00:00:05 Photography,
Winter is my favorite season
And not only by one single reason
We’ve got christmas, friends and food
But also snow, candles and good mood
To find the heat, people travels far
By plane or train, and some by car
But I’ll stay here, with frost and cold
I love the winter, it never gets old
Ungefär så här kan det alltså se ut från att jag blivit klar med ett foto tills jag delar med mig av det:
I'm a self-critic of rank. Always has been. If there's anything that can be done better - that's what I'll see. I analyze my photographs down to the last pixel and always find flaws. Always! Therefore, there are some stages I go through every time I'm about to publish something for the world to see. Every-frikkin-time. The time from where the work is done until it's published, is the only thing that affects the level of how strong each phase gets. Thus: The more time I have, worse it gets.
These stages can look like this:
"Done. I think I'm satisfied with this one"
"OK, IT IS AMAZING!"
"Hmm... It got pretty okay"
"It's OK. I have done better."
"But ... It's not THAT great ..."
"Urgh. This SUCKS. I'm a lousy photographer"
"Why am I even a photographer?"
"The colors... Completely wrong. The blackness is completely wrong. Did I even have the correct settings when I captured it?"
"I have to remake this in some way. But how?"
"Oh well. Atleast it won't kill anyone, anyway."
"I hate it. I hate it. I've done everything wrong. EVERYTHING!"
"The sharpness is quite okay I think. But it could have been better."
"Okay, I don't care about this. I quit. I'm never taking pictures again. It's no use. I'll put the camera out for sale."
"Who would even want my camera? Blah."
"Well... It's kind of funny in a way"
"WHY? WHY AM I A PHOTOGRAPHER? WHAT AM I EVEN DOING?"
"I'm going to bed now."
"Okay, it's actually kind of great. What am I even nagging about?"
"But... If I had just ..."
"Never mind, people may cry if they want to!"
I'm very hard on myself and good at taking the criticizism of my work to the extreme. It is incredibly rare that I am unhappy with the models, they are great! But I am the best at punshing my head with the frying pan about my own work - color, composition, sharpness, contrast, etc. In a way it's a good thing - I'm forcing myself to develope. In another way, it is debilitating because I never really get that ultimate reward from myself. Others may praise my creations, and it makes me happy, but It's difficult to let go of the "but if ....".